This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
[Reviewed at kyonyuu’s request, though he asked 2 months ago…]
At first, I thought I wouldn’t need to knock these guys on their English. Rather, I thought I’d just give suggestions for how to better phrase things because I was expecting a perfect script. Unfortunately, I was expecting a bit too much.
The episode only totals 13 minutes. Combined with 3 minutes for OP/ED, these guys only had ten minutes of text to edit. And it was all super-simple stuff, too. *sigh*
OP/ED. Plain, dull, but better than nothing.
Typesetting. Pretty good.
“Is that right?” is absolutely not the right phrase to use. Try “You can?”
He fixed it pretty well. Who in the world was he, anyway?
The main thing I wanna point out is that the comma needs to be a period there because they’re both independent clauses (meaning each sentence can stand on its own). This is something I forget often while editing, but it’s kind of important. They did this at least four times in the episode.
Natural lines, please. “I’m a creepy stalker.”
Make your tenses match. Either “If you answered the door like that, you’d probably” or “If you answer the door like that, you’ll probably”
Sorts. Kinds. Similar mistakes, but you gotta get these right!
Come set the table.
Yes, that’s how it’s phrased.
Wordy. Make it “in her place” instead.
~~~
I pronounced that “sushi-able”
is? Uhh, no. It was rolling on the street.
Huh?
Overall grade: C
I expected a bit more from you guys than this. Make it up to me on your next release, k?
*takes some blame*
*looks at ‘set up table’*
*goes punish someone*
*looks at ‘in place of here’*
*checks notes again*
*see he noted it for an earlier line*
Hm, yeah, well, uh… I promise it will be better next time!
I was gonna say, I hold you to a higher standard than this, agio-kun <3
Leave Aniki alone! D: