This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
I have stepped up to Firebird’s challenge to find any mistakes in this, his masterwork. Hiryuu’s 3-person super-squad was apparently on this project, so let’s see how they did.
OP/ED. Nothing spectacular.
Typesetting. Pretty damn good. Everything was typeset and there was a lot to do.
This is a statement. To make it a question, add something that makes it a question. Perhaps a “, right?” at the end.
– the odds in favor
+ your odds
This line’s flow is killed if “was” and “not” aren’t contracted to “wasn’t”.
Forgot a period
Which is used when your choices are known. What is used when your choices are relatively unknown. As he can see the items he’s choosing from, use “which”.
If you call it a “making-of DVD”, this line becomes a lot less difficult to read.
Characteristics? She was just listing off possibilities for aliens. A word that fits much better here is “options” or “possibilities”.
This doesn’t make much sense. If I get what she’s trying to say, this should be phrased “Then you should complain to the rule book.”
“Milady, oh!” lol, no
Try “Milady! Oh, how you’ve grown!”
Overall grade: B+
This script was definitely a difficult one. I could tell from the text and from having seen many scripts in my time. Is this the perfect example of god-tier editing that Firebird led me to believe it was? No, but this definitely showcases the abilities of a competent group of individuals that want to sub a show featuring poorly-drawn nipples on cat girl aliens. That makes them heroes in my book.
You are such a trooper, D_S. <3
derp silly mistakes by us derp
That was pretty damn quick. Lol, three-man super squad ^_^ Yeah, TSing this took a long time.
Heroes? <3
The only one I flat-out disagree with is the 'making-of' DVD. Dropping the makes it sounds funky imo.
Nope. Dark_Sage is right. “… that the-making-of DVD” is dorky and stupid. “that making-of DVD” is what most native English speakers would say.
“This is a statement. To make it a question, add something that makes it a question. Perhaps a “, right?” at the end.”
Complete rubbish. Any number of statements can be made into questions by the simple use of—wait for it—a question mark.
“You wanted to see me.” -> “You wanted to see me?”
“You rang.” -> “You rang?”
etc.
No “, right?” required.