This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
I went more in-depth with the editing critique on this than I usually do because I was asked to.
Bias potential: As Whine-Subs is also doing this anime, so please be aware that there may be bias against Hatsuyuki here. I try my best to be objective, but keep it in mind as you read this review.
File size: 185 MB (AVI), 430 MB (MKV)
Japanesiness: Not relevant in this anime.
Karaoke.
Typesetting.
It wasn’t until you repeated “clan” later on that I realized you were talking about the Disward Clan. But still, that wouldn’t really make sense considering who actually shot Hugh’s grandfather — or rather, was speculated to have shot him — armed thugs.
“Hughey”? Now, I really hate to be that guy who links to babynamer.com, but I think they have it right. Huey is a much better fit. If you wanted to keep the anime all British, Hughie would have been a better choice. True, “Hughey” is a last name, and you’ll find many results for it on Google, but it’s not a nickname for Hugh.
It shouldn’t be “this place”, because that would refer to Hugh’s grandfather’s place, where he is already at. Just drop “this place” and let the immediate next scene continue the story (Dantalian says he’s going to Conrad’s mansion).
I think you can come up with a better word than “perpetrator”. Something like “villain” or “Conrad is Wes’s murderer.” You’ve got a number of choices. But on second thought, I don’t believe he physically killed him. The most appropriate line would be “Conrad is the man responsible for Wes’s death.”
I realize that “deciphered” is technically correct, but it seems to me that it would fit better under different circumstances. Why not “read”? You don’t really “decipher” books.
I’m relatively certain we had this same issue with our transport stream as well. So, we decided to say “fuck it” and just use Commie’s raw. Not really good to leave this in.
You seem to have a hard-on for the word “decipher”. You really wanted “recite” here instead.
This should be “the 18th century.”
Overuse of “this”.
Except the will wasn’t unexpected. Dalian/Dantalian’s Bookshelf was the unexpected thing.
Now for some positives/negatives.
Positives:
- I think your handling of the “pet” conversation was better than the NicoNico groups (Commie/Whine-Subs) and m.3.3.w.
- I liked your TL note for Gokansho/the rest.
- Mystic Tome sounds better than Phantom Book.
- The book-reading at the end was also more understandable, in my mind.
Now for criticism that I didn’t really bring out screenshots for.
- You overuse the word “fool” a lot. Vary it up a little, have some fun.
- Some lines, like at 9:07, should really be /N’d.
- The video is also very, very grainy. I’m not someone who cares about encoding usually, but it was very obvious throughout the entire episode.
- Dantalian no Shoka should really be Dantalian’s Library rather than Dantalian’s Bookshelf. A bookshelf has a limit to the books it can hold, whereas a library has no perceived limit. This is important to illustrate the sheer amount of literature that is contained within Dantalian. You can also see, during the description of the demon, that there are multiple bookshelves housed inside Dantalian.
Watchability: Watchable. The main offender here is going to be the visuals.
Overall grade: B-
The encoding really got to me on this one. I think it’s clear that I liked a number of things in the script and also disagreed with a number of things. Overall, I appreciate the effort that was put into this, although I can’t really recommend Hatsuyuki for this show.
Thanks for the effort on this (considering you have your own subs for the show). I agree about the video quality, although I only watched the workraw, so I didn’t even notice those issues until now. I went with “Dantalian’s Bookshelf” because…well, that’s what “Dantalian no Shoka” translates to, and I hated that other scripts were using the English/Latin episode title in place of an actual translation. There were a couple of other instances of ‘shoka,’ ‘shokan’ and ‘toshokan’ I double-checked to avoid any ambiguity. I guess “Hughey” is a mistake on my part, but it’s already been used in 2 episodes and we’re probably going to stick with it for consistency.
Although I do feel that on the basis of TL, we should’ve scored higher than Commie. Then again, you scored them before WhineSubs picked up the show. Regardless, I won’t continue editing this show.
It’s not an egregious error. I think continuity is better than changing in all future episodes. So you’re fine in that regard.
And I’m not a translator, nor do I speak the language. When I talk about translations and stuff, it’s generally more with a view toward making sense in the context of the show. Basically, just high-tier editing, nothing more. I can’t talk about lines that seem right and make sense, but are completely wrong.
That’s why some of the traditional criticisms of the translators that visit this site, such as 8thsin, aren’t reflected in my reviews.
What I can say is that as a viewer, your subs were not obtuse at all. The TL notes made it very easy to understand what was going on when things got a little crazy. But for me to have an objective, informed stance on TL quality… I’m afraid I can’t provide that service just yet.
Have you ever thought of taking up Japanese sometime, Sage?
Perhaps changing bookself to bookshelves, both problems can be solved. Theres no limit to the amount of bookshelves, and it stays true to the japanese title.
I think changing it at all is unnecessary. “Dantalian’s Bookshelf” is a proper noun and it is referring to one, singular thing: another world. As is made pretty clear by the dialogue and the whole book-reading scene, Dantalian no Shoka isn’t a physical bookshelf or even a library of books. It is another dimension of sorts that seals a vast amount of magical books and it probably isn’t comparable to our universe in terms of matter, space, etc. (think “Guze” in Shana). The characters don’t really have any trouble grasping this, and I didn’t think viewers would either.
*number, not amount
When you put it this way, i can certainly understand.
Her name is Dalian.
What are you trying to say?