This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
Sorry about the recent lack of content, reader-tachi-kuns. Hopefully I can make it up to you with this thorough review of a game I spent $4.25 and 30 minutes on.
Game: Some piece of shit. I dunno, read the title or look at the above image
Review rig: i7-5820k, 16GB Ramz, GTX 970, three USB 2.0 ports
MSRP: $4.99, but I got it for a 15% discount, bitches! #thugdeals
There comes a point in every human’s life when they’ve drunk enough liver killer to feel so bad about not finishing Dance in the Vampire Bund that they desperately search the Steam store for any possible remedy for the guilt.
Mine was an hour ago.
Start
Setting up the game, I have to admit my hopes were raised a bit high, as I was only given one option for quality.
Making the statement that your game cannot look anything other than fantastic takes a lot of cojones (or, in Japanese, mochi), and I was impressed enough by the dev’s faith in their product to hit the Play button.
Story
I’ll spare you the 10 whole screens that set the story up and give it to you straight.
The king and queen of vampireland invite some Harry Potter chick to their vampire ball and end up pissing her off to the point that she turns everyone into stone.
You play as their garlic-loving daughter who sets out to rescue them from their curse by sacrificing the game player’s time on the altar of sub-mediocrity.
I know I made the game sound interesting, but it’s totally not.
Gameplay
The game sets you up with a menu that has no explanation, leading you to click around in hopes of figuring out what you’re supposed to do.
Unfortunately, once you manage to decode how to actually start the game, you’re in for the worst part — actually playing the damn thing.
At first, Final Dusk seems reasonable. You basically have to use objects in each level to cover up the light sources so that Mina can acquire garlic and reach the end of the level.
But by the fifth level or so, you come to the sinking realization that every level is a carbon-copy of the last one, only more tedious and soul-crushing to artificially drag the completion time out.
Eventually, your main goal becomes getting enough garlic that you can unlock the next dungeon and beat the game with only a few hours of your life lost.
So as you come across tedious “feature” after “feature”…
…you come to the grim realization that this game doesn’t intend to let you leave with your sanity intact.
The best solution, then, is one I’m sure you’ve already puzzled out.
Cut all ties and never look back.
Verdict
This is a bad anime game. If you end up buying it, reverse time and don’t.
Have there been any good anime gaems on steam (excluding valkyria)?
Some popular ones that come to mind (read: I haven’t played most of these):
Go! Go! Nippon
Recettear
The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky
…Dynasty Warriors 8? (It’s anime enough, and it’s the only one of these four I’ve actually played and enjoyed.)
I’ve got a lot of ’em in my library and wish list, but I don’t really boot them up to actually game. They’re mostly just odes to wasted money.
Not sure how much of an anime game Recettear is, but it’s certainly a good game non the less.
Tried Neko Para demo?
Oh shi- cat girls. Downloading nyao~
Surely you jest, D_S.
It’s a stripped down H-VN with admittedly cute nekos.
3/10 Would not nyaa again from steam.
Waiting for the full game.
You’re only making my interest harder. 5:00 can’t come soon enough.
Winter preview coming up next?
Not next, but definitely in the pipeline. I wanna warm back up with some stupid shit first.
I’m eager to read what you’ll have to say about this show:
http://myanimelist.net/anime/24629/Koufuku_Graffiti
The whole thing is literally characters making orgasm faces while eating food. It’s by Shaft.
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
slightly erotic meal scenes
Hype. And thanks for reminding me I need to actually play Senran Kagura Bon Appetit and not just buy all the DLC.
Saw this game and I was actually hovering over the purchase button, but then I thought, “I should wait for a sagacious review to pop up somewhere since I lent my flux drive to Stewie and should probably not make purchases I’ll likely regret in 5 minutes”.
Phew! Dodged an arrow in the knee right there!
#FalseStory
But if anyone’s looking for an anime-esque game, I suggest “War of the Human Tanks”. Great 2D RTS game with 4 different endings.
In other news GoG’s Fall sale is amazing for freeloaders. I bought The Witcher for $1.50 and got The Witcher 2 for free during the event. I’m now set for Q1-2 2015. Q3-4 will most likely be occupied by The Witcher 3.
> I was impressed enough by the dev’s faith in their product to hit the Play button.
It’s very clearly the Play! button. Read a little more carefully. Dance in the Vampire Bund is good, even if you don’t like 500-year-old children being slathered in oil.
This is what happens when you pay for anime games
Sage, you should make a Steam review. Everyone will definitely read it!
Steam verdict: it sucks, but at least I can make my profile anime.
I’d try to add you as a friend, but that goes against my policy of never adding people I haven’t played with.
Clearly this means I must challenge you to a hat-off in hat fortress or something.
1v1 100% Orange Juice, let’s go
For some reason I’ve missed this game. Trying the demo to see what it’s like first.