This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
In this first anime merchandise review (of a planned 100-part series), Dark_Sage takes a look at some popular products you may encounter at anime cons.
Drink Coasters:
Purpose: Protect your desk from your whiskey
Verdict: Waste of money
The ones I’ve bought (pictured above) have been awful. Since they’re made of spongy material, your drinks will bounce when you set them down… and having a white background does no good when your drink spills. You shouldn’t need to have a coaster for your coaster.
Headphones:
Purpose: Listen to music in -style-
Verdict: Waste of money
All officially branded headphones on the market have a build quality that could only complement anorexics.
And generic “anime” headphones are, well…
I’m so sorry you had to see that. They retail for $170 each, by the way. Expect to see them an abundance of them on the heads of those knife magnets who like to blast caramelldansen on con escalators.
Pins/Buttons:
Purpose: Put as many of these onto a $10 messenger bag as you can to let people know that you probably didn’t take a shower today
Verdict: Excellent purchase
Much like honey bees and tigers have bright colors to keep others from attacking them, overloaded messenger bags provide even the most beer-goggled congoer with sufficient warning to stay away. The hambeasts and greasy products of incest who rock these may never know the service to humanity they provide, but the sheer amount of morning-after regret they’ve prevented cannot be overstated.
God bless those heroes who sell these at cons, as well as those who buy them. For without their selflessness, I’d need to stay sober.
Naruto Headbands:
Purpose: Display clan allegiance and protect your forehead from projectiles
Verdict: Excellent purchase
Form and function all in one. Only an idiot wouldn’t want one of these.
Summary:
Yes buy: Naruto headbands, pins/buttons
No buy: Headphones, drink coasters
If there’s any other merch you’d like to see reviewed, please let me know. Fansubbing’s in decline, so I’m staking Crymore’s future on this series.
Onahole reviews, please.
Shouldn’t this be labeled as “001” if it were to theoretically become a 100 part series?
Unless he does a “prequel” post with 00 and stops at 99. Would be a total of 100 parts that way.
This is totally what I meant. Suck it, Kamica!
>If there’s any other merch you’d like to see reviewed,
Everything you own. No jokes.
Scandinavian karaoke machines.
Tiny fansubber-size micropenis replica dildos.
Animu-branded loli plastivag replicas for use with IRL fansubber micropenii.
IT LIVES
I can imagine the popular nicks that will be used as the “model” bases for those micropeen replicas.
The obvious two:
Dakis (please review the stuffing too, it’s important.)
Oppaipads (bendiness, softness and stain resistance)
Lol, stain resistance.
You should load test it too.