This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
I’d say this post has spoilers, but there isn’t a plot to spoil, so… [But seriously, there are fucktons of spoilers.]
The Bosses
Metal Gear as a series is defined and immortalized by its bosses.
Yet in this game, where you play as a character called Big Boss, the only memorable boss fight is riding with Two-Face’s half-brother in a car for 30 fucking minutes as the game tries to see whether or not you’ll get bored enough to turn it off.
Here’s some of the others, and the brilliant strategies they require from the player:
- Quiet – Snipe and duck.
- Man on Fire – Run away.
- The Skulls Parasite Unit – Run away until the game forces you to fight. Then just do the “Press R” QTEs.
- Sahelanthropus – Fire RPG, reload, dodge, repeat.
None of these fights are inventive mechanically or thematically, nor are they memorable in the least. The one-hour, on-rails shooter from the beginning of the game was more intense and captivating than these “marquee” encounters. Paz died for this? :/
The Game”play”
Dealing with broken environments and managing your boredom efficiently is about the only thing that approaches a difficulty in this sleeping aid.
The mission structure makes each new outing feel like a chore, and the pacing of the story removes all hints of relevance from the storyline missions. Throughout the entire 50-mission game, maybe 10 actually mattered. And the vast majority of the “second half” of the game was just missions from the first half… but repeated with stupid requirements like “fight the shotgun wielders bare-handed” or “run into a group of 20 people and avoid detection or you automatically lose”.
Then there’s the unskippable FOB system. MGSV forces you to participate in an online mode where you can lose resources in single player… even when you aren’t fucking playing the game.
Of particular note is that you won’t be able to reach any of the higher levels of defending your base without paying Konami $10 to level it up by getting a second one. But that’s a good bargain, because by buying that second base, you can lower the amount of time it takes to grind for all the useless weapons the game has. That’s not predatory f2p bullshit at all!
Christ, I have so much to complain about with the game design that I’m just gonna have to shove it in a bullet list later on. But yeah, shit sux.
The Story
So you’re Big Boss and you gotta get revenge for your base getting blown up. To do so, you recruit an army of hardened mercenaries to babysit a handful of douchebag children who end up stealing all your shit and infecting a bunch of your soldiers with parasites. By the end of the game, you go crazy by literally not going crazy at all. Also, you’re not Big Boss — you’re just some random who got plastic surgery. End plot.
Seriously, what the fuck? This is the final Metal Gear game in the entire fucking canon, and all we get is some say-nothing bullshit that raises more questions than answers, and only introduces more stupid fucking plotholes to the poorly thought-out overarching storyline? Shit, if this wasn’t the thirteenth time Kojima pulled that, I’d be surprised.
The Characters
Quiet’s the only decent character, and that’s just cuz she has a hot body.
*I’m only saying that. Chemical Whiskey for life.
While he was a badass in MGS3, Ocelot is now the pedophile uncle no one in your family wants to acknowledge.
What a fall from grace.
Kaz is… Well, I guess his hamburger plotline was kinda funny.
And then I guess there’s this:
Big Boss, plz.
Other Things to Whine About
Wouldn’t bother opening this spoiler unless you’re one of those idiots who disagrees with my opinion and thinks they can challenge my brilliance in the comments section. And I’m only throwing all this here cuz if I complained about everything I wanted to, we’d end up with a 30-page thesis on the benefits of not letting Kojima anywhere near other humans.
Conclusion
I can see now why Konami fired Kojima. This is a hack game made by a professional hack.
Overall score: It’s not as good as MGS4, but this is still one of the best games I’ve ever played. 10/10.
Diese ist nicht ein review
Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.
>not recognising la plus belle langue, Esperanto.
*cry in japanese*
That was really close to German… good job?
All the words are legit German. I reckon, it is a step up from Sentai-tier translations.
nice twist plot at the end, but anyway it was a good game, i loved it, and you too, maybe those details sucks very much, but overall was good, just waiting fallout 4 for more time to waste yey
F U C K K O N A M I
Can’t handle all the new content.
Might need to take some downers to keep your heart online, cuz this week is only gonna get sagier.
lmao @ playing single player games in TYoOL2015 where MOBAs, F2P MMOs and shitty cardgames/mobile crap/watching other people play videogames is an actual thing.
oh fuck i’ve become one of them kill me plz
You’re right. But I can do you one better: Dark_Sage Does Abridged!
It’s everything you hated about the anime community, condensed into YouTube-sized bites of retardation. Tell your friends and let’s make good memes together! ^_^¥
>Then there’s the unskippable FOB system. MGSV forces you to participate in an online mode where you can lose resources in single player… even when you aren’t fucking playing the game.
Loses from being invaded are negligible.
FOBs are the best part of the game. You have to research peoples bases and learn what their defenses are on each platform and plan your attack. They are the ultimate sneaking missions with actual risk.
There are no redos, no checkpoints, and no escapes. FOB missions actually make you feel like you are Big Boss.
Video for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLDQOaIq_78
>Of particular note is that you won’t be able to reach any of the higher levels of defending your base without paying Konami $10 to level it up by getting a second one.
Wrong. I mean this can’t be farther from the truth if you tried. Your defense level has NOTHING to do with having a second FOB. Zero. Each FOBs defense level is independent and has no bearing on how well your other FOBs are protected. Hell, actual defense levels are platform specific.
If you have a FOB with four R&D platforms, A rank soldiers, and all the security devices developed you already have a relatively high level FOB. You’re going to get more GMP/resources than you lose with a FOB like that. Getting to that point isn’t hard either.
Actually I would be amazed if you actually had trouble setting something like that up because you somehow managed to completely fuck up at every point in the game.
>But that’s a good bargain, because by buying that second base, you can lower the amount of time it takes to grind for all the useless weapons the game has. That’s not predatory f2p bullshit at all!
For someone with a site called crymore you sure cry a lot. Maybe not develop every single weapon and just grab the stuff you actually want, but I guess that would make too much sense and doesn’t give you something to whine about. The game isn’t going to hand every single thing in the game to you just because you want it.
Why should you have cutting edge weapons, resources, and the best staff by being a non-aggressive private military group? Diamond Dogs success depends on how good you are.
tl;dr – git gud.
You can extol the virtues of the FOB system all you want, but the fact of the matter is that regardless of your defense levels, you can still lose progress in your single player game despite your willingness, or lack thereof, to participate. Hell, last time I logged in, I found my base raided and I’m at ~80 in base defense with all equipment researched and max $ put into each FOB. There’s nothing to “git gud” at when someone raids you while you’re offline and can’t do anything about it.
All I want is the option to opt-out, which Konami is now offering, only so long as you pay them a monthly fee. What a fucking feature.