Anime Next 2017 – Friday Impressions

Fuck New Jersey.

 

Location

Atlantic City is the worst. Initial impressions when you visit will be “Reno City, but instead of stuck in 70’s, it’s stuck in the 90’s”. Yet even that is overselling this cancerhole. At least in Reno you only have to worry about bedbugs and transmissable depression rather than getting shot or raped by some dude who never met a shower he liked.

The city is built around like three casinos, in an incredibly failed attempt to create an East Coast Las Vegas. You can’t go off the casino strip more than a block without encountering residential poverty and the homeless littering every corner even more than the discarded needles and used condoms. (Some of which are mine, sorry.)

Moving onto the convention center, you’d think the situation might be a bit better, but you’d be wrong since there are anime fans there.

 

 

Registration

Normally I pick up press badges at cons, as I have full intentions to write out at least one blog post for them. Recently, I’ve been failing in those duties, so I figured it wouldn’t be right to apply for press at Anime Next. (The irony, yes I know.) Point is, I got my first experience at normie registration here, and it was terrible.

After having waited an hour in a line filled with teenage cosplayers living up to their reputations, the furry in front of me constantly dancing to who-the-fuck-knows, and finally being told “lol ur in the wrong line, go to that amorphous blob over there and enjoy the 2-3 hour wait”, I went back to my hotel, fully intending to skip out on any events/panels that a badge would get me into. Like hell I was giving my money to those retarded fucks after that.

Luckily my boy Calen came through with an exhibitor’s badge and all it cost me was a box of Popeye’s and a no-eye-contact handjob.

 

 

Food

According to the hotel concierge, Guy Fieri’s Casino Steakhouse is the classiest establishment for miles. Unfortunately I will be unable confirm that, as there are depths to which even I will not sink.

So yeah, it’s pretty much just been Johnny R’s and Popeye’s so far. If my stomach kills me before ISIS does, I am gonna be so disappointed.

 

 

Cosplay

Other than Deadpool, Overwatch, and Disney, there was not a whole fucking lot to see here. Judging by the confused mass of idiots asking for “epic” poses and yelling out cringey quotes, I was alone in my displeasure. But if I have to hear “it’s high noon” one more fucking time, I swear to god it actually will be.

tl;dr: I hate everything about this Crunchyroll-raised generation. We need to bring back entry costs for anime.

 

 

Night Life

Per the intro comment, I had to call this con a night at the turn of the day. Tons of restaurants were closed, all the bars were empty, and the con itself was as dead as the attendees’ futures.

Even worse, the liquor’s as limp as the scene. Come on kids, a long island and a double of well whiskey after I only had a shitty burger from Jack & Rockets should at least give me a suicidal buzz. How am I supposed to make mistakes when afflicted by sobriety?

 

 

Saturday

With a blood oath involving additional fluids I will not describe here, Calen and I have fully committed to redeeming this con. Plus Calen’s crew I was chilling with Friday night is in too: Carl wants to get blazed on the Devil’s lettuce. Lauren is excited to vomit on homeless people while she has the opportunity. And Eric is (always) DTF. There’s no way we’re gonna drop the ball.

Point is this con is just beginning and we are totally gonna save it. Look forward to a Saturday writeup on Sunday/Monday. But if you don’t see shit, just know that we failed. Miserably.