[NSFW] Things I Fapped to and/or Didn’t Fap to Between the Hours of 7:00 PM and 9:00 PM ET

Tiddies ahoy.

 

Woke up this morning and was feeling a bit ambivalent about where my life was going. As everyone knows, Twitter has good opinions, so I thought I’d ask the people’s people what to do.

So here we go. Y’all like con posts? What about cum posts? Boom. Clever. In for it.

 

7:05 Opened my computer. Late start, cuz I was busy getting drunk.

 

7:06 Realized onee-san was not a tag on nhentai. Forced to search via the shotacon tag.

 

7:08 First try: https://nhentai.net/g/245436/

It was all right. Puffy anus is a plus, but it was way too short to get me anywhere but 2 inches in.

 

7:12 Second try: https://nhentai.net/g/245357/

Should’ve known what I was getting into from the album cover, but I was all about dark skin at this point in the fap game.

 

7:18 Let it roll: https://nhentai.net/g/244427/

You know, I was expecting a lot more from this one, gonna be honest.

 

7:22 Oh fuck I’ve forgotten the theme: https://nhentai.net/g/245152/

 

7:25-7:48   Clean up on aisle me

 

7:49 Realize I should put some music on so the neighbors don’t suspect I’m a virgin incel weeb.

 

7:50 Joke’s on you, atheists. Now that my balls have expelled half their mass across my glasses, I’m not into little boys anymore. Now I’m into little… uhh… little 1000-year-old girls. Yeah. That’s socially acceptable. Let’s go.

 

7:50:01 Lesgo https://nhentai.net/g/245190/

Not to be transphobic, but dickgirls ain’t my thing.

 

7:54 Piss in the sink and contemplate how admittedly fapping to what appear as little girls might hurt my sagely image. I mean, if cons give me a press badge after this point that would mean they’re tacitly endorsing degeneracy, right?

 

7:55 Okay maybe one more: https://nhentai.net/g/243252/

At this point I brought out the lotion cuz I was already bleeding. I’m old; sue me.

 

8:02 temporary lapse of judgment: https://nhentai.net/g/189597/

 

8:07 Return to the party

 

8:11-49 Can’t remember

 

8:50 Roll into some: https://nhentai.net/g/231876/

Maybe I should finish Love Live.

 

8:54:39: new music taimu

 

8:57:21 Realize if I can’t get off within the next 3-some minutes I will be ridiculed for impotency the world over

 

8:57:51 Hype music comes on

 

8:57:54 Strongly eye the guro tag

 

8:57:58 Come to my senses and go for some https://nhentai.net/artist/sakura-romako/

 

8:59 Yeah, I can do this: https://nhentai.net/g/152484/

 

8:59:59 Good Jesus, time to prove you don’t exist: https://nhentai.net/g/131015/

 

After this point I think I’ve run out of ideas for this no-effort shitpost. :(

/night, fam. And always remember: Dulce Vida isn’t worth it  — the food coloring is a lie.