This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
I had a pretty nice conversation with these guys on their channel before I wrote this post. I didn’t even really need to tell them what was wrong. They saw my timecodes and figured it out for themselves. Good stuff.
OP/ED/ED2. Yes, two endings.
“huh” is being used in the interrogative here. Question marks, kthx.
<@lygerzero0zero> 7:05 was totally my fault
<@lygerzero0zero> 13:01 I assume needed a comma
<@lygerzero0zero> 14:19 I thought was awkward too, but I wasn’t sure how to better word it…
<@lygerzero0zero> unless you’re saying it should be “afternoon” and not “afternoons”?
<+Dark_Sage> Yeah. But it could use a rewording as well.
<+Dark_Sage> But as it stands, it works okay enough
<@lygerzero0zero> 16:30 went through a couple rewordings so it might have lost something along the way.
17:13… FUCK.
21:13 I assume it’s the period.
<@lygerzero0zero> 22:29-30, yeah that sounds repetitive.
<@lygerzero0zero> Second line I guess could have been “Look at that. They all left.” or something like that.
<@lygerzero0zero> was the second-to-last one about the TL note?
<+Dark_Sage> No, I prefer it to read “there are all sorts of candies”
<+Dark_Sage> er
<+Dark_Sage> well, not that phrasing
<+Dark_Sage> but there are over there is
<+Dark_Sage> “all sorts” implies plural
<+Dark_Sage> so does them :S
<@lygerzero0zero> oh. Right.
<@lygerzero0zero> actually the “them” doesn’t matter but yeah, it should be “are” because of the “all sorts”
since we talked so much, maybe we’ll appear next week?
Overall grade: B+
A new group with only two members did this well? Look out for these guys in the future. They’re really good.
“May I have a bite?”
Grammatically correct, but a prime example of how natural speech isn’t necessarily grammatical. Many if not most people in my experience would ask, “Can I have a bite?” Context, my dear Dark_Sage, context.
… Second thought: it matters who says it. Maybe the Mia clone would be that anal. But I’m pretty sure the ditz would have said “can”.
13:01 I would just move the comma: “…hurry up, you’ll be late too.”
“Speaking of candy…” See above, re ditz and ungrammatical. Hell, I say “there’s” for plural objects all the time. “There’s all sorts of them” trips off the tongue in a way that “There are …” or worse “There’re …” don’t.
I’m not going to be giving up any time soon on this ungrammatical natural speech thing. It’s important in translating (or writing) dialogue. It’s not just a matter of slang, either—that’s just one component.
You can take my review of Sket Dance as an example of where I’m coming from on this. There were many ungrammatical things I left alone and passed off as that show’s style. “Ain’t” was heavily used, but they’re acting like punks, so y’know, I’m cool with that.
My point is that if there is something ungrammatical and it does not have a sufficient value-add for the subtitles, then there should be no excuse for including bad grammar over good grammar.
Sure, slang could conceivably be used in most situations in most animes. But why should it? If its inclusion provides a means of character exposition, then have at it. But if not, then the default should be good English.
“If its inclusion provides a means of character exposition, then have at it.”
Exactly. It’s out of character for the ditz to say “There are” or “There’re”. “There’s” fits perfectly. The same is true to a lesser extent with the Mia and “Can I”/”May I”; how many real people do you know who would ask for a bite of food with “May I have … ?”, aside from particularly pissy English teachers?
(Actually in that specific example I’d probably go with “Could I … ?”.)
Both these examples are so minor that as a physicist I’d say they’re in the noise. It’s actually counterproductive to dig so deeply, to be so fanatical. Save your righteous fury for where it’s deserved.
See there where I said “Both these” instead of “Both of these”? Technically wrong, absolutely normal and could be part of any good translation (not merely mediocre, but good).
I can definitely see the point you’re making now. Duly noted and it will be incorporated in my next reviews~
Soon the pupil will the master surpass ~
Is her Japanese grammar poor? If she’s mangling speech in the original, then mangling it in the translation makes sense. But if her speech is reasonably correct, then good English is preferable. Just saying.