Schrodinger’s Sage – A story of time travel, rage, and even a little bit of romance

Let me explain what happened over the course of the past two days. And bear with me because my explanation of technical concepts is gonna be shaky (probably because I didn’t major in virginity at university).

Yesterday (for those of you future readers, that is Thursday, December 6th, 2012 CE), I got it into my head that I’d migrate the site over to a new host, which would enable me to use all the plugins I wanted to. This was a good idea in concept (like mixing cider and whiskey) but a bad idea concerning execution (like mixing hot cider and whiskey).

 

Mistake #1: Trusting myself

Since I had already migrated from Whiners.Pro to Crymore.net, I figured this would be just as simple. Then I remembered what a pain in the ass that was, so I spent a couple hours dicking around on the internet, putting it off. After realizing I just wasn’t mentally competent enough to focus on a task for more than five minutes, I decided I’d ship off the migration process to the tech support of my new host.

And there are apparently also pre-migration steps one usually goes through. Ya know, simple stuff like setting the TTLs to something reasonable, like 5… As opposed to, oh let’s just say, 14400. I’ll repeat this later cuz apparently it’s super important.

 

Mistake #2: Trusting tech support

Apparently it takes 8 hours to migrate a WordPress blog from one site to another. I realize the guy was probably busy with other duties, but sucking a dick does not take 7 hours, so I have no idea why it took so fucking long.

And in the process, he set me up with more vulnerabilities than a sexually abused child. Luckily, almost every fansubber is a network admin so I got some help in fixing them (<3 lawlzy).

 

Mistake #3: Assuming shit was good to go

Here’s where shit really gets fucked up. So at this point I have two copies of Crymore — one on the host I was switching over from (HostGator, shared hosting) and one on the host I was switching to (KnownHost, VPS hosting). This was the day I learned cloning isn’t as awesome as you’d think.

Having decided the migration went successfully, I went into Crymore’s admin panel and started working on like thirty fucking fansub reviews and updating my previous posts. In the meantime, other people were also making comments and generally contributing to the great community we have here (:love:). From our perspective, this was Present Crymore.

Meanwhile, a whole other section of people are still running into maintenance mode. I figured that was because they were still hitting Past Crymore, because I only had maintenance mode activated during the migration process. Can you already guess how this story’s gonna end?

 

Time Reversal

Yes, it turns out Past Crymore was actually Present Crymore and Present Crymore was actually Past Crymore. To reduce confusion, I’m going to now refer to these Crymores as Past-Present Crymore and Present-Past Crymore respectively.

Those images are fucking blurry for some reason, but oh well. If you saw, or commented on the site when Integra was there, you were actually speaking in the past. Oh, and everything there is gone, so if you had something you really wanted to say, post it again.

 

Anyway, I couldn’t figure out why some people were seeing different versions of the same site at the same time. It was as if there were two realities. Two realities that could never meet or bad things would happen. DNS flushing and cache removal had no effect on which Crymore you saw. To make matters more confusing, my computer switched Crymores like every 10 minutes. So I did what any clear-thinking person would do in a time of crisis.

<&Dark_Sage> You know what, it’s midnight and I have actual work that needs to be done starting at 8 AM. Fuck this. I’m gonna fucking drink some poison and go to sleep. My fucking TTLs will do their fucking TTL thing. The fucking hosts will flush each other off. And everything will blow over in the morning.
<&Dark_Sage> Thanks a lot you guys, I appreciate the help, but my mind is full of fuck and I doubt I understood a word you said to me in the past 30 mins. I’ll catch you all tomorrow.
Session Close: Fri Dec 07 00:19:37 2012

I rage quit like a bitch.

 

Fixed?

No. It appears rage quitting is not the solution to life’s problems. Luckily with lawlzy’s help from the previous night and tech support’s help this morning, we were able to, I think, force people off Present-Past Crymore onto Past-Present Crymore.

How? I set the TTLs (which I’m going to explain as the length of a connection’s life — so if there was a TTL of 14400, the connection between you and that site would last 14400 minutes) down to 5, forced an IP redirect to my VPS’s servers, and crossed my fingers. And lawlzy changed the DNS zones to shit that made sense.

I haven’t been able to get back into Present-Past Crymore, so I think it’s dead. Hopefully. We’ll operate under that assumption.

 

So yes, now back to the posts.

 

tl;dr: I migrated hosts, but it turns out Past Crymore was actually Past-Present Crymore and Present Crymore was actually Present-Past Crymore, meaning I lost an entire days’ worth of work. Past-Present Crymore consumed Present-Past Crymore sending Present-Past Crymore into the Past and Past-Present Crymore into the Present. You’re now talking on Past-Present Crymore and if you posted on Present-Past Crymore your comments were lost to the void. The presence of Present-Past Crymore will be sorely missed but taking Past-Present Crymore into the future will honor the memory of the Past and guide us into the Future.