This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.
Here, I analyze the character of Astarotte Ygvar from the anime Astarotte’s Toy/Lotte no Omocha.
Astarotte’s Toy is as awkward as it can be. A ten-year-old succubus is the main character. The plot revolves around the idea of succubi needing to survive by consuming male semen, or “lifeseed” (source: episode one, 4:46-4:52). The rules for the consumption of lifeseed are similar to those for vampires (vampires can’t eat food – it has to be blood). Now, I don’t give a shit that the show’s about a ten-year-old sucking dudes off for sustenance (I live in America and this shit is more common than you’d think), but this is the weirdest plot for a non-hentai show that I’ve ever seen.
But I’m not here to talk about the show itself. I want to tell you about Astarotte Ygvar (also known as Lotte) – a ten-year-old girl who needs to survive off jizz juice.
Now I don’t mean to get all intellectual and shit on y’all, but the average amount of calories in human male ejaculate is 5. Yes, 5 calories [source]. The average weight for a ten-year-old girl in the US is 88 pounds [source]. According to the US government, 2000 calories a day is a good amount for a ten-year-old girl who weighs 88 pounds and is actively going after penis [source]. For the sake of argument, let’s run a few calculations here.
(2000 calories/day)/(5 calories/dick sucked)=400 dicks sucked/day
This is making the assumption that Lotte is being active. What if we run the simulation under the assumption that she just lies on the ground and has dudes jizz in her mouth? In that case, she’ll only need 1600 calories per day [source].
If she’s not actively pursuing that sweet, sweet dick sauce, she’ll need 400 less calories per day, or in layman’s terms, 80 fewer dicks.
But Lotte has determined that she can get by with humans alone (source: episode one, 8:00).
Based on my personal experience, a guy who’s really going after ejaculation can get about 7 ejaculations per day. Let’s just assume that the main character up there is really turned on by ten-year-old girls and pushes himself to the limit – or about 8 ejaculations per day. All in all, the best he can give her is 40 calories. If Lotte is really interested in going with a human-based harem, she would need 40 incredibly horny pedophiles going after her every day.
Now let’s talk centaurs. Astarotte’s Toy is set in a fantasy land where all manner of mythical beasts reside. We can assume that centaurs are here as well.
Based on a few grainy Japanese videos I’ve seen, horses have a decent amount of ejaculate. Indeed,Wiki Answers confirms horses as being able to ejaculate 100 ml per jizz session [source]. Humans ejaculate 2-5 ml per session, but let’s assume Judit (the person in charge of finding jizz monkeys for Lotte) picked men of the finest stock who can reach 5 ml every time [source]. As centaurs are half-human, half-horse, let’s assume that the nutritional content of semen is the same, and the amount of jizzing possible per day is the same.
So let’s calculate the size of this harem she needs if she were to go with centaurs.
5 calories/5 ml = 1 calorie/ml
100 ml * 1 calorie/ml = 100 calories.
1600 sessions/100 calories/ejaculation = 16 ejaculations. With 8 ejaculates/day, she could get by with two centaurs.
If Lotte really hates men as she says she does…
then Lotte would be pursuing that delicious horse milk like it was going out of style. After all, she’d only have to interact with two cocks and even then she could just get by with having them jizz into her mouth and have it trickle down her throat.
But still, Lotte wants to go with humans. Indeed, the show seems to be set up to place her with the human male that comes from the World Tree, Yggdrassil. So what can we determine from this? Lotte says one thing (she hates men), but means another (choosing humans, she maximizes the amount of men who give her love juice in a single day).
Ergo, I have determined Astarotte Ygvar is tsundere.
Brilliant. Impeccably reasoned.
Lotte is definately tsundere, but she’s more honest than the typical tsundere in some respect. Funny how in the manga while she’s the main heroine, it’s the guy thats more focued of course, dunno if that’ll change in the next episode or two. She also doesn’t keep saying she hates men all the time (at least in the manga, translated anyway). Pretty much was said in the first chapter than sort of faded away.
I haven’t seen the episode yet so I might be saying a few things that it already said, but she doesn’t need to survive on sperm right now and her mother has like 3000 guys.
I think we can assume that she still survives on man milk, but probably receives it second-hand from her mother.
Actually she and her mother don’t see each other a lot (she did give her that dislike of men). She does get milk though, but it’s not that kind and I’ll let ya ponder on where it’s from.
I suggest you to publish this as a journal…
>mfw Based on my personal experience
This certainly was enlightening.
What the hell did I just read?
Without a the doubt, this post was the most properly written wall of texts I have ever read on the internet as well as being one of the most entertaining. For that, I’d promote you, but you’re already a sage.
Good one
i always liked to pursue realistic deducations in the fictional world of anime
let me remember (if noone else did) that we are talking about mythological creatures from the middle age.
in these times whenever shit happend demons, devils, witches and vampire and shit were involved (or so they thought)
people from this age thought that everything yes EVERYTHING was in the male semen, a tiny tiny human being, they called it “humunculus”
they thought if you have a dirty dream a succubus would be sucking the life out of your dick, or how would you else have morning wood?
yes, people from this age were plain dumb, try to involve the myth of the succubus into your thinking
for fucks sake try to take a different prespective
if you find spelling/grammar error you may keep them without paying
now I need a fucking drink
I think you’ve already had a few drinks.
This is very well-written and researched. The problem is however you’re going off the assumption that Lotte needs the Semen as food, for the calories. That is not the case. She is a succubus, it’s all about the life force, replenishing her magic. Regular nutrition she receives through food just like everyone else, but we’re talking about a mythological being here, as Deadpool pointed out. So as well-researched as this is, it is also quite pointless.
She doesn’t need semen for its calories or nutritious qualities. She needs it because it is the source for her magical power and thus her potential immortality/longevity, like blood is for a vampire.
This article is the only thing I found entertaining about Lotte; the problem is that you assume it’s meant to be taken serious in the first place. :p
Whether it is to be taken serious or not, it makes a claim, a claim that is just simply wrong.
To each their own, though. If you find false articles more entertaining than a well-written show, that is your right.
>If Lotte is really interested in going with a human-based harem, she would need 40 incredibly horny pedophiles going after her every day.
Can’t see that being an issue. All she has to do is set up camp in Rizon and she’ll be sorted for life.