Why Malik Obama is Wrong and Traps are NOT Gay

Normally I don’t get into politics, but this is important.

 

As I was comfily jerking off during my lunch break to some fucked up asian shit that’s somehow still legal to watch in the US, I was suddenly struck by a large amount of pride in my country. As a point of patriotic duty, I thought I’d drop by President Obama’s Twitter and finish to his majestic American visage.

But I nutted too early, and in a post-self-coitus moment of weakness, I instead decided I’d look up what our President’s brother was up to. And I gotta tell you, folks, it was nothing good.

That’s fucking right. This son of a bitch was telling me that 95% of my porn was going to have to be retagged as homofaggotry. And I gotta tell you, if there’s anything I like more than girl dick, it’s not having to shamefully delete fucking 800k jpegs I’ve spent a decade building up. So now that I just got off, let’s settle this goddamn debate and save me a minute of peace.

 

Fact 1: Men make better women than women do

See the image above. Would you rather fuck a walking trashbin or some primo neko? Last I checked, wanting the best doesn’t make you gay — it makes you a rational actor.

Even in cases where all else is equal, traps do it better. Face the facts, this is truth:

Let’s be straight here, if fucking a cute girl isn’t gay, neither is fucking a cute boy. Pure upgrades are pure in every sense of the word.

 

Fact 2: If your friends high five you after, it’s not gay

 

Fact 3: Artificial wombs make traps essential

Would you call drinking water gay? No? Then how the fuck is drowning yourself in boipucci gay either? With the advent of artificial wombs, this shit is gonna be necessary for the creation of human life in the future.

Let’s look at the facts. Artificial wombs:

• Have no waiting period. Just add jizz (from two different dicks, to prevent inbreeding) and turn the time microwave on.
• Don’t require anyone to be sober for 9 fucking months.
• Probably look like spaceships, which is super cool.

With no need for women to continue the existence of the human race, they’ll just like… disappear or something. (I’m like 99% certain artificial sperm isn’t a thing.) Barring the existence of women, guys will split 50-50 with half becoming Sagely tops and half becoming traps. Because we’re reasonable fucking beings that don’t require peacock-tier courtship dances to get anywhere with.

 

Maybe this shit seems like it’s magical Christmasland territory, but riddle me this: Even after having aborted/thrown away every female baby in the country, China is an economic powerhouse that everyone looks up to. Would such a future-minded nation do that if they didn’t think they could milk enough jizz from Yao Ming and Jackie Chan to create a genetically perfect army of Apple factory workers?

 

Fact: Wanting to be or bang a trap is not an indication of prison-gay desperation or psychiatric illness

It’s not a mental disorder to want to be loved. Just like it’s not gay to give a reacharound to a qt with a dick twice as big as yours.

Q.E.D.

 

 

tl;dr: traps are obviously NOT gay