Regret.

 

Thursday

7:45 After flying in from Atlanta, I arrived at the Westin to my waterfront-facing suite

When most congoers are stacking up 4 to a bed in hotel rooms, it feels pretty fucking great to have a giant space all to yourself that they can’t use. God bless capitalism.

 

8:15 Post-self-congratulations, I realized the bottle of Bulleit I flew in had shot its load all over my suitcase

Maybe I shouldn’t transport liquor via Delta anymore.

 

9:00 Went to get my clothes cleaned at a 24/7 laundromat

With signs posted all over the place warning that not only my clothing, but my safety was “the personal responsibility of customers alone”, I realized perhaps I was not in the best part of town.

Luckily (or naturally), there was a liquor store close by where I was able to reload our Bulleit supply for the weekend. The reviews mentioned something about spice, there were three people inside the shop just glaring at me as I checked out, and the cashier loudly started complaining at me about cops staking his place out… so I figured an immediate Uber back to the hotel would be a prudent decision.

 

11:00 Back to the attack

Figuring I wasn’t gonna get offered a blowjob that night by some shady Yuno cosplayer (cuz I didn’t see any, even after looking really hard), I turned in for the night, dreams of Friday shenanigans dancing in my head.

 

 

 

Friday

9:00 Got up, and started watching ACCA cuz flipr told me it was super cool

If you guys told me it was gonna be a glorified Marlboro commercial, I’d have been here day 1. Animu smokers are cool as shit.

Jury’s out on whether it’s good or not, but I definitely wanna watch more than the first ep and see. Maybe this time Japan won’t disappoint?

 

9:30 The Soup has arrived

Turns out Soup was skipping his girlfriend’s birthday this weekend to hang with me instead. He made the right decision.

 

10:00 Press badges

I hadn’t done pre-registration for our badges, so Soup and I had to do on-site press reg. Nothing like being lazy and knowing you can get away with it.

The head of media asked me where we were from, so I pulled up Crymore on my phone, told him “we cover anime or whatever — you can tell people visit cuz we actually get comments”, and he was sold. (Thanks for backing up my ego, fam. <3)

 

11:00 Victory lap at Chipotle

The greatest dining establishment in the world. Chorizo2good.

 

11:30 Friday naps & faps

While Soup napped, I fapped. As is tradition.

 

2:00 Stocked up at CVS

I don’t what it is that makes weebs so friendly while shopping, but three of them stopped me to have conversations about the most mundane shit. “Can you believe they’re out of Nos?” “Hard to beat 2 for $1 juice!” “Your shirt makes me wetter than New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.”

Sure, I get that I have a face and fashion sense that reminds you of everything that’s good about the world… But maybe the same isn’t true of you, dear randoweebs.

 

3:00 Soup and I head back to the con

The party starts at 3 o’clock, cuz that’s when high school gets out.

 

4:00 Madoka Magica: Read the Fine Print

I could write up an entire post just about this panel, but you can probably infer from that slide how it went.

 

5:00 Food @ Succotash

We went to a restaurant that was as unmemorable as it was expensive. $50 each for shit even less impressive than Applebee’s foreshadowed the rest of the night quite well.

 

5:45-7:30 Drank (a lot) and bullshitted about anime with Soup

Loudly arguing with your friends about anime is the best part of any con. We invited the people next door to come hang with us, but they only opened their door a crack and said they’d rather just spend the night watching One Piece in their room.

Anime fans. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

7:45 Walkcon

There was a whole lot of nothing followed but a whole lot of less than that.

 

8:15 The Geek “Comedy” Tour

As Soup loudly posited while we were walking out, “Maybe if you suck at comedy, you shouldn’t be a comedian.”

I can respect someone putting themselves out there, but when your entire bit is “Hey guys, Twilight sucks, right?” maybe you should stick to impressing the sycophantic retards on reddit and get the fuck out of my anime scene.

 

9:00 Drinkmore

Met up with tormaid and dragged him back to our room for drinks cuz there was nothing else going on at the con. It was pretty hype.

Don’t know if alcohol being the only enjoyable part of the con is due to Katsucon being populated almost solely with cancertrash, or the self-destructive alcoholism that hits most of this country after 21, but what difference at this point does it make?

 

11:00 Silkey’s 18+ Extravaganza

We thought we’d give the con another chance, so after enough shots to kill a horse, we wandered back into the fray. This panel proved out what a mistake we had made.

Being presented by the personification of dopiness, we were subjected to a LARP about how the speaker was “at another con” and found himself being propositioned by “two 10/10” vaguely described cosplayers who had fallen in love with him because who knows.

The soggy-faced motherfucker then spent the next five minutes fanfic’ing about all the things the two “super hot” girls were offering to do to him, and how he was strongly resisting their “gross suggestions”. Cuz why would he want con pussy when he clearly gets laid so much by his uncle already?

His entire bit resulted in a punch line of… well, we didn’t stay long enough to find out, cuz we were pretty there wasn’t one.

 

12:00 A Monogatari Panel

If you ever wanted to know what a Monogatari panel run by people who only watched gifs of the toothbrush scene looks like, you should’ve come to Katsucon.

Slack-jawed societal dropouts trying way too hard to impress absolutely no one encapsulates the 10 minutes we were able to stomach of the panel, and this cancercon in general.

 

12:15 o/

As tor had ditched us to hang out with his girlfriend, Soup and I went back to the hotel to pass out on each other. Which was probably the best decision we made all con.

 

 

Sat+

Writing this up Saturday morning, I honestly don’t know if I’m even gonna bother hitting up the con center today. Maybe those losers next door had the right idea.